The Ballad Of Saint Grendel

So my teacher told us that two blue eyed people can’t have a brown eyed kid and this kid in my...

Sat, 18 May 2013 13:34:57 -0400

So my teacher told us that two blue eyed people can’t have a brown eyed kid and this kid in my class said “but both my parents have blue eyes and I have brown eyes”. The teacher said “so you’re adopted”. THe next day the kid came in and told us that he confronted his parents about it and that they said he was adopted but wanted to wait for the right time to tell him.

Science:1 happy family life:0

Photo

Sat, 18 May 2013 13:33:55 -0400

fajeetas: buggy-love: midnattenswidunder: theinturnet: These...

Tue, 14 May 2013 20:33:08 -0400

fajeetas:

buggy-love:

midnattenswidunder:

theinturnet:

These cats have no fucking idea what is happening.

Oh my god.

Those poor cats and omg I can’t breathe at all.

this is 10% evil and 90% hilarious

Why am I not surprised a cute asian girl is behind this?

Yess pls

Tue, 14 May 2013 19:05:54 -0400

Yess pls

ohthekawaii-life: moynmoyn: So yeah, my finale step in...

Tue, 14 May 2013 16:18:17 -0400

ohthekawaii-life:

moynmoyn:

So yeah, my finale step in accepting myself is taking my own advice and feeling proud of the way I look by flaunting it. I am way happier looking at these photos and feeling genuinely beautiful than looking at a scale and getting excited when I loose weight. Weight is not a measurement of health, your self worth and definitely not your beauty. Let aloe your right to wear a bathing suit when it’s hot as hell! You earned that body, it’s beautiful because it belongs to you!

The perfect bikini body joke has been going around for while, just thought I’d contribute, not steal someone else’s joke :P

Beautiful.

You are a lovely woman and this is a great thing. Well done.

morbidfashion: annimate: chasingcomics: The Man Who Lives...

Tue, 14 May 2013 11:49:59 -0400

morbidfashion:

annimate:

chasingcomics:

The Man Who Lives Alone

My Intro to Comics final about ghosts and love.

CHASE CHASE CHASE IS AWESOME

So sweet.

thefrogman: When a man and a woman are in love and get married,...

Mon, 13 May 2013 20:01:18 -0400

thefrogman:

When a man and a woman are in love and get married, they decide to show their love by participating in the most heinous of acts. Sexual intercourse. They turn off all the lights and the man inserts his rod of evil into the woman’s hole of Satan. They must use the missionary position, as it is improper for the male to face the Lord when humping about and making sex faces.

The male thrusts back and forth for nearly a minute until his penis ejaculates seminal fluid into the vaginal cavity. This unleashes several hundred million little spermies all hellbent on finding an egg and making your life a whole lot more expensive. These guys are excellent swimmers too. Once a sperm is in motion it is then officially a spermatozoon. That’s a fun word. Spermatozoooooooon. Spermatozoooooooooooooon.

Anyway.

The millions of spermatozoa (plural of spermatozoooooon) swim their way up the fallopian tubes. They target an egg and ram their spermy little heads into it. Most of them die from head trauma, but sometimes a lucky little tadpole breaks through and takes up residence inside the ovum…creating an embryo.

Depending on your religious beliefs, this is when life begins or it is just a couple of cells that could develop into a wittle baby. If you are a penguin, you really don’t care either way because your brain is unable to comprehend complex concepts.

Once these two parts have bonded, the embryo does its best to attach to the uterine wall so it can begin dividing and conquering the mama’s belly. You must of course feed this little embryo all sorts of strange things. Like pickles and ice cream. Or peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches.

Over the next 9 months those two cells divide into billions of cells creating a fetus.

If you take a picture of this fetus inside the tummy, it will look like an alien creature.

This is normal. You do not have an alien baby.

Then the day comes. The amniotic sac ruptures and the fluid is evacuated out of the vagina. Now…they call this “breaking water,” and even though that fluid is mostly water, there are also proteins, carbohydrates, and even a little pee in it. So if she broke water on your couch, I would give that a decent scrubbing after. Or at least turn the cushion over.

Junior is now ready to squeeze his cantaloupe head through the mother’s golf ball vagina. It’s important that the female breathe like an idiot to distract her from this fact. Typically like, “Hee hee hooooo. Hee hee hooooo.” Once she figures out that doesn’t do shit, she will demand drugs. Give them to her.

Her cervix will dilate. This only happens in centimeters, as doctors are too good for inches. Once it gets to the size of a lemon, they encourage the woman to start pushing. If you offer the woman your hand at this point, she will break every bone in it. I suggest putting your arms behind your back and having an encouraging expression on your face. The female may poop a little, try not to notice that.

Soon the baby’s head will emerge and the doctors may use salad tongs to help pull it out. It will be slimy. It will have goo on it. It will be making strange noises. It will be bright pink and otherworldly.

This is normal. You still do not have an alien baby.

The doctor then gives the baby its first dose of corporal punishment and smacks it firmly to induce breathing. The baby will start crying. Get used to that.

If you were to try and trace this process back to the point of origin, I would say that it all starts with the rod of evil. Which is the delivery mechanism for the spermatozooooons. Which are manufactured and stored in the balls.

So, in conclusion, babies come from men’s balls of sacky malevolence.

[Originally created for Slacktory]

nateehaak: Wolf hybrid I want one soo bad.

Mon, 13 May 2013 17:31:49 -0400

nateehaak:

Wolf hybrid

I want one soo bad.

Photo

Fri, 10 May 2013 11:16:32 -0400

Dayum

Thu, 09 May 2013 23:45:46 -0400

Dayum

This would be fun

Thu, 09 May 2013 12:08:00 -0400

This would be fun

OH MY GOD APPARENTLY TAKING AN ARROW ....

Thu, 09 May 2013 02:05:49 -0400

OH MY GOD APPARENTLY TAKING AN ARROW ....:

death-by-lulz:

pandyssian:

OH MY GOD APPARENTLY TAKING AN ARROW TO THE KNEE WAS AN OLD NORDIC SLANG FOR GETTING MARRIED

I THOUGHT THAT ALL THOSE GUYS IN SKYRIM HAD LITERALLY BEEN SHOT IN THEIR KNEES WITH ARROWS BUT I GUESS NOT

This post has been featured on a 1000notes.com blog.

Photo

Tue, 07 May 2013 00:44:02 -0400

thesonicscrew: carry-on-my-wayward-butt: poptartwizard: cuntol...

Mon, 06 May 2013 18:29:11 -0400

thesonicscrew:

carry-on-my-wayward-butt:

poptartwizard:

cuntology:

What gay guys think a vagina looks like.

are you trying to imply that this ISN’T what a vagina looks like?

as a woman i can verify that this is what the average vagina looks like

Photo

Sat, 04 May 2013 11:37:09 -0400

hannibalkanibalas: areyoutryingtodeduceme: silvermender: ilike...

Thu, 02 May 2013 23:25:33 -0400

hannibalkanibalas:

areyoutryingtodeduceme:

silvermender:

ilikelookingatnakedmen:

negacrow:

nightmareloki:

newvagabond:

Omfg.

OH MY GOD

Well, that was unexpected.

Funny AND I can justify putting it on my pr0n blog! Hurrah!

OHMYGOD

WHAT

ei canot brtethe osdhafr

lizthefangirl: godisgaf: our president is a sarcastic...

Wed, 01 May 2013 21:16:57 -0400

lizthefangirl:

godisgaf:

our president is a sarcastic motherfucker.

oh obama you cad

Well played sir well played.

Photo

Wed, 01 May 2013 14:05:39 -0400

Friends

Wed, 01 May 2013 01:09:45 -0400

I would like to have some friends if at all possible.

justafoxhound: :’)

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 15:23:51 -0400

justafoxhound:

:’)